


Star Wars Episode VII 1/2: The Love of Ren

by AssortedHeroes, RebelJedi



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angry Kylo Ren, Awkward Kylo Ren, Everyone Has Issues, Everyone Needs A Hug, Jealous Hux, Kylo Ren Angst, Kylo Ren Being a Little Shit, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Kylo Ren Redemption, Matt the Radar Technician is a Lovable Dork, Mistaken for Being in a Relationship, Multi, Not Canon Compliant, Past Relationship(s), Post-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Protective Kylo Ren, Snoke Ships It, Stoormtroopers Hit Things, Stormtroopers are Scary
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-27
Updated: 2016-03-15
Packaged: 2018-05-23 14:31:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6119371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AssortedHeroes/pseuds/AssortedHeroes, https://archiveofourown.org/users/RebelJedi/pseuds/RebelJedi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Earth has been invaded. Thanks to a warning from one who had returned from imprisonment by the First Order, most people had escaped before the attack. Many stayed near their planet. Others rebelled against the invaders.</p><p>Sarah Nood blames herself for the fall of her home. That is the reason she fights, the reason she is the leader of the Earthians. Together with her friends, and her soldiers, she has won battle after battle to reclaim the lost land of her people. Now they have moved to a planet covered in snow and ice, holding their ground. A strong figure from the girl's past is sure to appear soon, which led her to hang back from the front lines until that person comes. Her memories drag her back, however, and she does not know if she can fight forever.</p><p>Kylo Ren awaits, and none can say who shall survive.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Cold, yet Hot

It was cold, she knew. The snow flying through the air, the piercing wind in her face. But the cries of wounded fighters - they were the coldest of all. She felt a sinking pit in her stomach, one she knew wouldn't go away. The cries, they were the sound of death. Meaningless death, and it was tearing her apart. She looked to her left: Eli, with his curly black hair and reedy voice. On her right, small-framed Olivia. Her best friends, dragged into a war by her hand. If she had just kept her mouth shut, or even her eyes open, they would all still be home. They wouldn't be on this god-forsaken frozen hell. They wouldn't be dying all around her. 

She opened her thinly gloved hand, watching the rainbow dance across her palm. Visible light, that was what the Force gave her. Fitting for someone like her, Sarah Nood. Earth's "Rainbow of Hope." 

She cursed. It wasn't supposed to come to this. It wasn't supposed to come to _anything._ All she'd wanted was to go home... 

_“...take me home.”_

_“Take you...home..? ...where is it?”_

__

“Wh-why do you want to know?!” 

__

“I’ll take you there." 

__

“...it’s far from here. A planet called Earth, in the Milky Way galaxy...you wouldn’t know it…” 

__

“Then I’ll find it. When do you want to go?” 

__

“As soon as I can!”

__

So wrapped in her memories, it took her time to come to the realization that someone was shaking her shoulder, and that someone was Irish. "Jack...what..?" 

"YO! WE'VE GOT MORE PEOPLE COM-mmph!!" 

"Shut up Seán!" Sarah hissed, her hand clamped over the famous greenette's mouth. God, he was loud. "Do you want us to lose _this_ bunker too ya goob?!" 

"Hey! I'm a goofy goober too you know!" yelled Mark from the end of their snow tunnel. 

Jack let out a short bark of laughter. "WE'RE ALL GOOFY GOOBHUAGH!!" 

Eli looked down at the fist that had just sunk into the Irishman's stomach. Then he looked up at the owner of that fist. "...dude." 

"He wouldn't shut up, what was I supposed to do?" Sarah shook her head. "You people are too much work." 

Jack opened his mouth, probably for a retort, but shooting sounds from overhead and Mark's shouting from his position alerted them all to their stoormtrooper company. 

"OH GOD, OH GOD, OH LORDY, HALP," came the scream from musician Nate Smith. 

Eli glanced up. "Um, why is he doing this again? He hates space, right?" 

Sarah tugged on Jack's sleeve, pulling him away from Mark's end and motioning for the others to follow. "Why would I _not_ let my favorite singer into this? Besides, Morgan wanted him to." 

An electric guitar sang from above. "He's doing the thing guys! He's doing the freaking thing!" Olivia whisper-yelled. She shook her friend's arm. "He's doing it!!" 

"Yes, I know he's doing it, Livvie." Snow fell from the roof of the tunnel, slipping into her honey-blond hair and down her back. 

She shivered. And the world imploded. 

"Sarah!" 

"Jack!" 

"Liv!" 

"Mark!" 

Their shouts were lost to the snow and wind, and she couldn't breath. Snow filled her vision, her nose and mouth. Her body heat melted some, that soaked through her thin layers of clothing and into her skin. The weight above and on all sides prevented her from shivering, lowering her temperature even more. The cold held her, cradled her, just like... 

**No, don't think of him, not now, oh god, please not now...**

_She embraced him, disregarding his awkward stiffness. "Thank you, Kylo..."_

_She could feel his face grow warm as his arms gently wrapped around her._

__

"...thank you...Ben..."

__

She returned to the present, her vision beginning to swim. Then there was heat all around her, and she could breath again. Coughing, she looked up, her hazel eyes slowly focusing on a dark figure, cloaked. Masked. 

Mako's sweet shouts surrounded her ears, muffled. She thought she heard Kyle's voice in the background, with Andy's singing voice mixing in. But as the puddle around her grew, she couldn't think of them. Logic left her. 

A red lightsaber pointed at her, centimeters above her heart, its heat melting snow nearby. 

Her mind stopped in that split second. And in that split second, she pulled out a blue dagger of light, pushing away the longer weapon and shakily regaining her feet.


	2. Battle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A friend wrote this chapter, but she doesn't have an account quite yet. She'll be co-writing. Whenever one looks like this one does, it's by her.

Battle. 

This is what the world has come to. 

This is all that it will ever be. 

And it’s all my fault. 

I have to fix this somehow. It’s my fault; it’s my responsibility. 

I kick at the one above me, then leap away. I swing my rainbow lightaxe crazily, slicing down any enemy within reach. I can do this. I have to. Even though every death makes me sick at my stomach – especially knowing that it’s all completely my fault – there’s nothing else that I can do. I have no other choice. 

The soldier in the long, black cloak nears. He’s wearing a mask, like I am. 

Nate leaps towards him from the side, making an ear-piercing, shrieking noise with his guitar. The cloaked one simply waves a hand, and Nate tumbles backwards into the snow. He’s almost instantly buried, but he manages to dig himself out. 

The soldier turns back to me. He jabs his glowing red lightsaber at me, but only halfheartedly. 

He thinks that I’m weak. 

I’ll show him weak. 

I unleash all of the fury that I’ve been aiming at myself for the past month and a half in one livid blow. The stranger blocks, but just barely. I blink slowly, my eyes adjusting as the evil-looking glow from the lightsaber vaporizes. The stranger grabs my wrists, firmly but gently. 

“Who…” 

The mask comes off. 

Oh. 

Kylo. 

No. It’s not Kylo. His name is Ben. 

_“What’s your name, anyways?” My voice is low, laced with anger and fear._

_“Kylo Ren,” he says, frustration and confusion heavy in his voice. I can’t blame him. I’m not giving him what he wants. And I’ve hardly spoken to him at all ever since this entire shenanigan started._

__

But something nags at me, in the back of my brain. “That isn’t your name,” I murmur. 

__

He shoots me a glare. “Yes, it is. It is now.” 

__

“But it wasn’t before?” I daren’t raise my voice above a loud whisper. I’m afraid that then, all of my emotions will come tumbling out. He goes silent for a long, long minute. 

__

“Ben,” he finally says. “That was my old name.” 

__

I don’t ask why he changed it. I know why. He knows that this is wrong, but he wants to pretend that he doesn’t care. So he masquerades as someone else. 

__

I don’t say anything else for a long, long time.

__

I blink slowly, a shudder of cold sweeping through me and pulling me out of the past. He’s not Kylo. That’s who he pretends to be. 

He’s Ben. 

I don’t know what to say. 

We’re on different sides. 

We’re supposed to be fighting. 

We’re not. 

After a long moment of silence, Kylo – Ben, I correct myself – releases my wrists and takes a step back. I shake my head, a shudder coursing up my spine. “I don’t…” My mouth is dry and cold. 

“What?” 

“I don’t understand… Why did you let me go..? Help me..?” 

Even now, he’s not killing me. He’s not trying to hurt me. There’s almost a kind of light in his eyes. A fragile, terrified, and yet hopeful light. He glances down at his boots, which are crusted with snow. “It doesn’t matter…” 

I shake my head again, starting to feel like one of those bobbleheads that you win as prizes at fairs and birthday parties. “Yes, it d-does. Why…?” 

“Because… I felt like it…” 

There’s a kind of emphasis on felt. And I get it. When you’re connected to the Force the way he is – the way that I am? – feelings control a lot of your decisions. You just know when something is wrong, or right, or neither. You just know when there’s something that you need to do. When there’s someone that you need to see safe, to see happy. 

The thought of him – or anyone – caring about me like that is terrifying. I don’t deserve that. Especially not after what I’ve done… 

“Don’t. All of this… It was my fault…” 

Ben closes his eyes, almost like it pains him to hear me say that. “No, it wasn’t…” 

“Yes, it was.” And nothing that anyone ever does or says can change that. 

“No, it really wasn’t… It was mine.” He opens his eyes. They’re wet, but something tells me that it’s not just the biting wind that’s dampening them. 

“No, Ben. It was my fault.” 

Something flashes in his eyes at the use of his real name, but I can’t tell what it is. He reaches forward and takes my hands again. I open my mouth to say something, but he cuts me off. “Your hands are freezing.” 

What? “No, they’re not…” 

He gives me an incredulous look. “Yes, they are.” 

“I don’t…” 

“Can you even feel the cold anymore?” 

Now that I think about it, no. My toes stopped aching a few minutes ago, and I can only barely feel Kylo’s rough, calloused hands wrapped around mine. “Umm… No…” 

“That’s not good…” His voice is worried, although he tries to hide it. 

“I-I’m fine…” 

“No, you’re not. Come on… Come with me.” 

Come with him? He’s supposed to be the enemy. It would be stupid to follow him. I’d be better off freezing. “No.” 

He squeezes my hands and gives me a pleading look, his dark eyes full of emotion. “Please, Sarah.” 

It’s completely impossible to refuse him. “Fine…”


	3. Blaster Fight

She became aware of herself. That was the first thing. She was alive, and she felt warm. 

She was aware that she was in a comfortable place, with a comfortable temperature, little more than that. She knew she had not been awake, that she had fallen asleep sometime. For a moment, she simply lay there, in a kind of dreamlike trance. Then she started to wonder why she had awoken at that particular moment, and became aware of an annoying pounding noise. 

She opened her hazel eyes, and looked around the room. It was furnished well, in mostly light tones, and the walls black. Her focus turned to the door, the source of the awful sound, and groaned. "Five more minutes..." She turned over and shoved a fluffy pillow over her head. 

"...no! You don't get _five more minutes_ princess!" Her mind couldn't comprehend why there was a reedy monster yelling at her, then clicked. 

"ELI THAT'S NOT MY NAME AND YOU KNOW IT!" 

"There's our girl. Come on woman, let's go, let's go, we don't have all day here." 

Sarah sat up and noticed she was in the same clothes as she remembered, albiet without shoes or her jacket. Her lightaxe and knife were missing as well. **Who took them..?** She shook her head. Better not to worry about that. "Come on in dude, I'm decent," she said, then threw the pillow at Eli's face when he opened the door. 

"OOMPH" he shouted as the soft object fell to the ground. "What was that for?!" 

"Calling me princess." She saw green hair somewhere behind her friend, and heard two famous Youtube voices generally fanboying about the place they were in - wherever it was. "Jack, Mark, what are you doing here?" 

Jack leapt forward, pushing Eli to the side. "We're gonna rescue ya!" 

"Yeah well it doesn't feel like I need much rescuing, does it?" She motioned to the room. 

Mark spoke up, "Too bad! Your boyfriend doesn't get to keep you here!" 

"He's not my-hey!" Mark ran in and picked her up easily. "Put me down Fishbach!!" 

He tossed her over his shoulder, and she was pretty darn glad she was wearing jeans and not a skirt at that point. "To outside!" The black-haired entertainer ran off, the other two men in pursuit. 

"Mark Edward Fishbach," she started, "I swear to all things holy if you don't put me down _right now_ you are going to have a very bad time." 

"...nah, I'm stronger." 

She growled, then went silent as she heard the marching. It was a hollow sound, one of death and destruction. Of invasion and theivery. Blood rushed into her ears, and energy flowed through her limbs. 

"No kid no fighting," Mark murmered as she started to wriggle out of his grip. "We gotta get you outta here okay?" 

"No! Not okay!" Sarah hissed. "I have to get rid of them!" 

A flash of rainbow, and they were on opposite sides of the hall. Mark, Jack, and Eli on one side. Sarah on the other. Stoormtroopers flooded the area, freezing at the sight of the Earthians in their territory. Or maybe at the sight of a short Irishman with green hair fangirling at the top of his lungs. She wan't sure which. Whichever the case, sparks flew from blasters and Sarah dropped to the ground, hoping to stay out of sight. 

There was a loud bang from above, and a shout to stop. She looked up, and saw Kateynn standing at the end of the hall, her gun ready to fire once more. "If any of you shoot again-" 

All blasters pointed to the young woman, and Sarah decided she'd better do something about it before her friend got shot. So using her Force-enhanced abilities, she leapt above the stormtroopers' heads and landed directly in front of Katelynn. "Leave her alone you...you...you little...crap...heads!" 

She saw Nate take off his glasses and slam his face into his palm in her peripheral vision. "Why do you not have something prepared for stuff like this you're always prepared child why were you not prepared for this-" 

"Oh shut up Sharp! You should be back in that snowbank! What made any of you think I needed rescuing?!" 

It was silent for a moment, then Mark cupped his hands around his mouth and whisper-yelled, "Maybe because you're not even a legal adult yet!" 

Before anything else could happen, anyone could move, anyone could speak, there came a new voice from behind her. "If you wouldn't mind, I suggest you all cease your meaningless squabbling before something happens to one of your dear friends here. She turned to see a redheaded man gesturing to Andy, Olivia, and Mako, each being held in a restraining manner by two stormtroopers. 

"Ugh...let them go dude. They're not very-" The man's finger shushed her, and his glare kept her silent. 

"You," he pointed at her, "and the rest of you," he pointed at the other Earthians, "will follow me, to be judged." 

With a resignated sigh, Sarah Nood beckoned her friends to whatever peril awaited them.


	4. Pure Light

All my fault. 

All my fault. 

All my fault. 

The words resonate in my brain with every heartbeat, every step that I take towards doom. 

A small fragment of me hopes that Kylo will save me. Save my friends. Another shard of my heart blames him. 

It’s not right, I know. He saved my life already, by bringing me here. 

It’s my fault. 

Again. 

And my friends are going to pay the price. 

A small sob bubbles out of my throat despite myself. I try to cover it with a cough, but no one is fooled. Mark puts a reassuring hand on my shoulder. Mako gives me a concerned, sympathetic look. 

I look away. 

I’m stronger than this. I straighten my shoulders and raise my chin, gritting my teeth against a tremble. I look straight forward, taking stiff, measured steps. 

I have to get us out of this. It’s my responsibility. I can’t let my friends get hurt because of me. There HAS to be a way out. 

I look around. We’re completely surrounded by Stormtroopers. They took the others' weapons. I can sense my lightaxe being carried further and further away, until I can’t even detect it anymore. 

The red-headed man that caught us heads through a door. Darkness pulses out of that room, an immense darkness that I do not want to encounter. Everything in me screams to run, that it's even better to die than take another step towards that cursed room. My limbs all freeze up, and I stumble a step backwards. An annoyed stormtrooper prods at my shoulder with his blaster, but I ignore it. 

My senses have left me completely. The only thing that I can think is that I do not want to go into that room. 

My head is spinning, and I feel like I'm going to explode. I think that I've sunk to the floor. I feel so weak. So, so weak... 

Something. There's something. Something steady for my trembling mind to latch onto. I don't even know what it is, but I reach desperately for it. 

_What's wrong?_

The thought is the only clear thing in my head. I breathe a shaky sigh if relief. 

I struggle to form words and send them out. We were captured by stormtroopers. Hallway. Door. Evil. Can't move. 

There's a sudden, shrieking pain in my leg. It's nothing compared to the chaos in my mind, but I can hear myself whimpering. 

_I'm coming._

**Thank God.**

I can't move. I can't control my muscles. I can barely hear anything beyond my own murmurs of pain. But then my senses heighten, something rushing through me in a final, desperate attempt to survive. The evil is only a few feet away. My leg is pouring blood. I was shot. I was dragged in here. Two stormtroopers release my arms and shove me forward, where I collapse onto the frigid floor. 

The evil thing laughs, breathy and low and dark. I tremble, unable to force myself to look up. 

It barely speaks above a whisper, but I understand what it says. Its voice claws into my thoughts and roots itself there. 

_"Who have we here?"_ It asks, laughing again. _"Pure Light. Who do I owe the honor of meeting this fine thing?"_

I'm a thing. Just a thing. 

Then something -- a someone -- steps into the room. Relief and terror flood through me, roaring in my head. 

"I brought her here." 

That voice. I know that voice. Kylo. No... Ben. But it sounds so much more like Kylo now. 

The thing chuckles, making me shudder uncontrollably. _"Well done, my apprentice."_

I can't hear any response, if there is one. 

I can't bear this anymore. My head feels like it's stuck on a horrific rollercoaster that never ends. 

"And I'm not even Pure Darkness..." Is the last thing that I hear it mutter before blackness consumes me.


	5. Dream

She felt awake, comfortable. In a daze, she found herself in an endless void of swirling colors. She looked before her, and saw Ben, younger than she had ever known him. She saw she was a child as well. "...what..."

He looked toward her, black hair swishing around his ears. "You're here." It was a statement, sounding so sure it must be true. 

She nodded, certain as well. "I am." 

"How...are you feeling?" He floated closer. 

"Well I guess...I'm scared, and in pain, but...I feel safe..." 

"Do you think the others are alright?" He didn't need to explain who he was talking about. 

She thought. "I do. They might be dorks but...they're good at life." 

He came even closer. "What are the Earthian's plans? What's their next move?" 

She felt something was horribly wrong. A sick feeling in her stomach. "But...you're...the enemy..?" 

"Don't think about that now," the boy pressed on. "I need to know what they will do." 

"No...I can't...tell you..." She moved backward, then stopped, feeling a wall at her back. 

"Tell me. NOW." His voice burned with rage. 

She yelled a defiant no, and bolted upright in bed. For a moment she was still. Soon, however, a piercing pain made itself known. At first it was all over her slim body, then focusing on her right leg, where she'd been shot, she remembered. "Ow..." 

There was a small noise to her right, and she quickly leapt to challenge it, however she was stopped by the pain in her leg. She cursed.

Ben, in all his grown-up glory, was next to the bed and positively shaking with anger. **No...he's Kylo now,** she thought. "Woah there," she raised a hand. "Calm your derrière for a sec okay?" 

The man looked down at her, as a predator might his prey, then closed his eyes. He was silent. 

"Okay, now could you please tell me why you were watching me sleep? Kinda creepy if you ask me, and why in the world were you just inside my head?" 

"I needed information," he replied shakily. 

Sarah sighed and crossed her arms. "Well at least you asked, that's a step in the right direction." 

"A step-" 

"Never mind, where are my friends?"

He looked away. "In different rooms. If we were to put them together in a cell they might take it upon themselves to plan an escape." 

With a raised eyebrow, she laughed. "Keeping them apart isn't gonna keep them from talking. But I hope to God you didn't put Mark and Jack in the same room." 

"...I will not tell you who is 'bunking' with whom." 

"Ben!" Sarah yelled reprimandingly. 

"And how would I know they're not supposed to be together?" he questioned taking a step forward. 

"Woah there pal, space." 

"Space? What do you mean?" 

She sighed softly, a lovely sound. "I have this thing about people touching me in any way, shape or form. Comes from being an introvert who has very few friends. If I say 'space,' just back off a little, okay?" 

"I...alright." 

"Good. Now if you don't mind, I'd like to go explore a little." The woman swung her legs over the side of the bed with a wince. "And if you're scared I'll run away, don't be. I don't think I can really run right now."


End file.
